; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
