Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
try to milk me bitch
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