Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
