I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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