I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Pants 0. Shit 1.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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