my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
