I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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