tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
