Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
