So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
