im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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