Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
