he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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