Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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