Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
are you so shy because you have an std?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
