dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
