You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
