I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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