So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
