it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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