I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
