that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
