im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
