i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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