I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
