Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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