I want to make a zoo with you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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