I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
