So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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