I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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