omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
