i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
