I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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