Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
