Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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