At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Holy sore nipples Batman
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
