I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
