Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
