Non-Jews are for practice
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
