my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
