this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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