When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
