I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
