I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
