She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
