im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
