I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Drake has all the answers
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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