I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
