he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
