the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
