glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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