End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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