Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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