the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
