Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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