dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
