im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
