At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize