I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
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ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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