my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
