He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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