Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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