Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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