Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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