She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
