I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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